“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be" - Marcel PagnolBelieve it or not, after 3 years and 40 days of being back home, I am STILL not completely unpacked. Some may blame this on abject laziness, but I prefer to blame Patrick Manning since that seems to be the order of the day :)
While rummaging through my tubs and boxes for school supplies, I came across a journal I was asked to keep as part of my teacher training program. I started reading and honestly......tears came to my eyes. These weren't just tears of nostalgia though. The more I think about it, the more I realize that they were kinda tears of joy.
When you get a glimpse into the hopelessness you've felt along the path to your dreams, you can't help but feel proud and THANKFUL that you're actually around to fight another day :)........I read some of those journal entries and wanted to go back 4 years and hug my damn self LOL......they were that pitiful.
It's amazing how we can turn around and miss the very moments we were trying so desperately to escape. Time and time again we've heard our elders talk about problems being stepping stones and yadda yadda yadda......and time and time again we realize that like it or not, they are very right! The thing is, when you're going through the "valley" it's hard to believe that the mountaintop is anywhere within your reach.
Yet here I am!....Not quite at the top of the mountain, but definitely so close to my goals that I can almost taste them :)
Some days I wish I could go back to DC and enjoy being a student, instead of spending so much time worrying about money. I wish I visited more states. I wish I was fearless....instead of an international student who was a fish out of water in so many ways. Most of all, I wish I take these regrets and let them motivate me to enjoy each day of being back here, so that if/when I ever leave again, I'll have no regrets. I'll know that I appreciated being back here and didn't take these moments for granted.
Tonight I was reminded of something. Good or bad. Broke or paid. Surrounded by friends or lonely as hell. Hopeless or full of faith. THIS IS LIFE.....MY LIFE! I don't believe in reincarnation, so I have to make my one shot count ;)
JUST KEEP SWIMMING!
5 comments:
Yaayyyy
I just love this post... I moved to Bim about a month and a half ago and let me tell you I have had so many thoughts and you put it all together here for me. I'm gonna print this out and stick it up by my desk... highlighting the last paragraph! Thanks
It is a lot easier to appreciate your past when you are no longer in that valley but climbing uphill to a better you. We all have our personal struggles that test our strength and endurance. Jus Keep swimming as you put it. You know that's my favorite line :)
Well said, Zennie! After all those nights of wondering if we'd make it out alive, we're still here :D:D:D
Kristleigh, I'm glad the post encouraged you. Trust me when I tell you that you are not alone! Some days will be easier than others, but the main thing is that you WILL make it.....so keep swimming :)
Jumbie, thanks for the support :)
Nice post Enn. Thanks!
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